When she confessed..

So, today is the last day of formal classes as a senior high school student(yay? or nyay?). We also had our last community mass and the tradition was letting the undergrads face us which was really awkward. Anyway, nothing much happened today besides hugging our teachers and singing somewhat like a hymn.

I never expected that today about other people's personal thoughts. We agreed to keep it among us, all things that we shared will never get out. I'm not gonna tell, of course, except...this one thing that really had a great impact on me. It really touched my heart.

She was hesitating to say it at first but then she spilled later on, she said since we are graduating soon and we might part ways , she tries to avoid getting to attached to me. Before she said that,  she already told us that she doesn't consider anybody as her best friend because she believes, in some way, that people will change. What she said was true, as what they say change is the only constant thing in this world but change  is not bad at all times, change can be for the better. Anyway, she was already crying and I can tell that she was really sincere. I felt something burning in my heart after hearing her explanation. She said that she doesn't want to get attached because she feels like she's being left out. I felt guilty too because I never thought that she thinks that way and the feeling of saying those words to me was just beautiful.

I've learned today that  being loved is such a wonderful thing. We should always cherish those moments with the  people close to your hearts.    Since there's three weeks left until the end of  High School, I want to express my deepest gratitude to all my friends who   are very annoying yet lovable at the same time. :)

Sweet 16

On the last day of January, my friends surprised me on my birthday. It was something memorable and shameful.

I have the weirdest friends but they are all so lovable. :) And so the story goes like this...
It was recess time when they decided to throw the surprise greeting for me. My friend Xyra keeps distracting me so I won't be able to find them hiding in the fire exit and so she led me to the lockers but then on the other side of the building is my crush's(?) classroom and I saw my friends drag him out of his classroom. Then I was like whining and all but then just decided not to hesitate no more because I keep doing this usually and it gets tiring eventually. So when I get inside the classroom, they were like singing happy birthday gleefully HAHAHA and then they sent him in they let us stand beside each other then they took a picture then they told him to put his arm on my shoulder and surprisingly, he did then the pictures were posted in facebook and I don't know what happened next.

Although my friends like to humiliate me in front of public but I still love them anyway. I know put much effort for me to be happy on my birthday and I really appreciate it. They are the best gifts I have ever received from God, seriously. I know it sounds cliche but it's really what I know and feel. My 16th birthday was sweet after all. Thanks to these beautiful people, I have experienced things I haven't done before. A month left before we take the final exams and it's really a lot of pressure. As much as I don't want to leave my friends behind, I know that we will still grow together as individuals and adults. Distance does not matter if love is there and so wherever am I, they will always stay in my heart.

Bliss

You passed. Wait. What? Are you serious? How?

This afternoon I've heard that the UPCAT results were out. I was both nervous and anxious at the same time. I had a feeling that I didn't pass. I had no confidence but the odds are in my favor. God is so good.  Even though I get decent grades, I can say that I'm not the brightest person in the class. There are just some people who don't have to make such effort cause well, they're natural but not me. I'm happy even though it's not one of the 'top 3.'It's UP and I did not apply for any colleges (with the exception of the college offered by my school). This day is wonderful and I know I've been posting about this in Facebook, twitter, and now this. I just want to express how truly happy I am to be part of the passers. I was lucky that out of the 60,000 people who took the test, I was part of the 13,000 who passed. God is so great and I owe this to Him. He was the source of my knowledge. Anyway, my friends and my mom are encouraging me to enroll but I don't think I would. I know this a great opportunity but I'm doubtful about the course. I was lacking out of ideas on what course to take so I just chose that one. Furthermore, it's not guaranteed that if you graduate in a prestigious school, you're gonna be successful. Hard work and perseverance work in a long way.

Ephemeral

"But what does that mean - 'ephemeral'?" repeated the little prince, who never in his life had let go of a question, once had asked it. 
"It means,'which is in danger of speedy disappearance.'" 
"Is my flower in danger of speedy disappearance?" "Certainly it is."
[Excerpt from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery]

---
DEATH. We all know what death means but unless you experience that life is too short, you began to worry. Recently, our city has faced a tragedy which killed about a thousand people and hundreds are still missing. It sent chills down my spine. People you have seen the other day gone...forever.  My friend is one of the victims of this tragedy and they were lucky that all of the family members were safe but then for the next few days his dad died. The night before the flash floods happened, we had our Christmas party with parents. We enjoyed ourselves and I remember his dad participated in a game and they won. That was the last time I saw him and I can't believe the next time I see him, he's inside the coffin. His dad died because of viral infection and I think it's the virus you get from rats' waste which is known as leptospirosis.  I feel sad for my friend, he's an only child and we are graduating this coming March, his dad must have wanted to see his son go on stage. Now, there's only him and his mom left. As I think about it, life is really short. (His dad was only 50 years old). With this, I can compare life with Pandora's box. It's full of not-so-great-things but in the end there's still hope. I know that this will make him a stronger person. Pain is not so bad at all because once you've been through it, you will know how to handle the rest.

Life is short, they say. This is a complete understatement. We read or see this often but do we really take it to the heart? As we look through the past, what have we accomplished so far? Sometimes, we need to look back in order to thank God for how much blessings he has given. Death is our life's final destination and before we reach there, we should have at least shared our love and time for others.

Term Paper

I've been facing the computer for the whole day and it's been a while since I've done this. I have this really awful migraine. I feel like my head is going to explode. Deadline for Chapter 1 - 4 is tomorrow and I have a bad feeling, I'm not really confident about my paper. So help me God.

College.

Time flies so fast.

My freshmen memories feel like they just happened yesterday. Now, I'm in my senior year and uncertain of what lies ahead. I'm somewhat scared and excited. From what I heard, college is fun and stuff and our teachers keeps insisting that college will bring out the best in you. You will learn how to be independent and all. That's what I suck at, being independent. I'm really dependent in my parents. I think it's because I'm the youngest in the family. Even in the simplest things. When I know, my parents are there..I become lazy easily and I don't know whyy.

I've already decided what course to take and the school. My parents were hesitant because the course is not really that common and only few schools here in our hometown(oh, scratch that I think it's the only school that offers it here)so I've suggested that I'll go to another place and I'll be living in a dormitory. So what happened? My parents were in a rage. They've lectured me for like the whole time and they keep saying that I can't live there because I've grown up being pampered and I don't even know how to do this and that. They've also had a rant about financial issues that we might face. I almost cried, thinking of how useless I am. I just held it back in. But God was so good, I prayed asking Him to guide me and lead the way. I know He has all the right answers and TADAAAAAA....They already agreed!

I'm just waiting for my CSAT results. I'm also not sure if I did well in that test but I just a 60 above percentile rank. Dear God, please hear me out. And oh, there's still our research paper, the golden ticket to graduate. I'll be having my exams this week and long tests on Computer, Accounting and Trigo. So help me God. Too many things to do, and I'm still procrastinating. I need your prayers!

Until my next post.

│hazelisatree│

I feel lonely and I don't know why. Maybe, I just miss my friends. This summer was very unproductive for me. People are taking review tests for college while I am just here doing nothing all day and stare at this fucking laptop. To be honest, I'm quite not ready to be a senior yet. Time flies just too fast. I feel...unprepared. I'm not even sure what course I would take or which school I'm going to. I hope I could decide as soon as possible. I hope God will guide me to the right path. Please pray for me. thanks :)